My mama never told me that getting back to reality bites.
I went on vacation with my husband for the first time in our almost 11 year marriage. We , well I, had a fabulous time. Travis got sick and did not get to do much. We met 3 other couples, so I had people to go to the beach with. I do not think that I have ever felt so relaxed in my entire life. I was meant to live near the water. It has the most calming effect on me. I plan to go to the ocean as often as we can. I will take our children next time.
As I was riding on the plane home, I had mixed emotions. I wanted to see the kids so badly, but wanted the comfort of the waves. I wish I could have had both together...it would have been as close to perfect as you can get.
I knew this feeling of euphoria would disappear and the dread of reality would come creeping back in. I wanted to hide. I know the world did not stop turning because I was not at home. I have a classroom to get ready, school clothes and supplies to get, a babysitter to get ready for a child who has never been to daycare, and a husband to prepare for not having his wife at home every day.
I know the tension of life will way heavy on my shoulders and all I can say about it is reality really can bite.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
I See a Small Ray of Sunlight
After every winter comes spring.
My momma never told me that each time that the world turns dark the sun will shine again.
I along with my small community buried my friend on Wednesday. He would have loved his celebration. I have given up my grief to God and can see the sun beginning to shine.
All my love CDK see you when my time comes:)
My momma never told me that each time that the world turns dark the sun will shine again.
I along with my small community buried my friend on Wednesday. He would have loved his celebration. I have given up my grief to God and can see the sun beginning to shine.
All my love CDK see you when my time comes:)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Saying Goodbye
At this very moment, my friend is dying. His cancer has taken him captive.
My momma never told me that losing a friend would be so hard.
I guess in my own childish way, I thought that all of the people that I love would live forever. My adult brain knows that this is not possible, and my heart breaks.
I got down on my knees this morning and asked God to send him an angel...his mother. I know that for a long time he has not smiled with his whole heart, he will when she comes to take him home. I pray that he is at peace, that he is right with God, that he no longer suffers, that his mother comes to take him home, and that his family finds strength through our Savior Jesus Christ to make it through this time.
I will keep him tucked away in in heart for all of the time that I am left here on earth. He was a part of my beginning and middle...I will take him with me to the end.
My momma never told me that losing a friend would be so hard.
I guess in my own childish way, I thought that all of the people that I love would live forever. My adult brain knows that this is not possible, and my heart breaks.
I got down on my knees this morning and asked God to send him an angel...his mother. I know that for a long time he has not smiled with his whole heart, he will when she comes to take him home. I pray that he is at peace, that he is right with God, that he no longer suffers, that his mother comes to take him home, and that his family finds strength through our Savior Jesus Christ to make it through this time.
I will keep him tucked away in in heart for all of the time that I am left here on earth. He was a part of my beginning and middle...I will take him with me to the end.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Twitterpated
My mother never told me that being twitterpated would be one of the most rewarding and most challenging parts of my life...
I have been twitterpated for 12 plus years. I look at my husband with such adoration. He is (next to our children) the best thing that has happened to me. Having said this, he can push my buttons.
We have known each other since the first grade. We lived 2 miles from each other. My older brother hung out with his older brother. My younger brother and his younger sister are good friends. Our parents are good friends. We went to the movies as friends during high school. He even took me fishing. I never saw him for who he was until he was no longer "my" go to guy. He started dating a girl two grades below us and I was sick. I mean literally. I could not figure out why I was feeling so bad. Then a mutual friend of ours gently mentioned that he thought that I really wished that the girl he was dating was me. That was it...I was totally and irrevocably twitterpated.
I saw him in a way that only a girl in love could. He was perfect. And when the honeymoon was over I realized that he was only almost perfect. He never picks up his clothes, he leaves empty bottles in the fridge, he expects me to run the house and organize the kids. He has a problem communicating with me and the rest of the general public, and he is not at all romantic. He keeps all of the things that are bothering him inside and when he just can't take it anymore, he blows like a volcano.
I am no peach. I complain about all of the things that I swear he never does. I nag him to talk to me. I point out that I try and he doesn't. I am a real winner...right. God only knows why he stays with me. I have decided to sincerely try to talk less about what he doesn't do and more about what he does do. So, here I go...
He is amazing. He is extremely attractive. He gives the best hugs and softest kisses. He worked hard so that I could stay at home with each of our children while they were babies. He saves and buys me all of the frivolous items that I mention that I might want. He takes me to chick flicks so that I will cozy up to him. He brings me my favorite take-out when I don't feel like cooking. He dotes on me when I am sick. He helps my parents and brothers with all of their DIY projects. He plays like a child with the kids. His laugh is infectious. He is a closet comedian. He is a fabulous cook. He can clean a house spotless if he has to. He can fix anything that is broken with the right tools. He loves his family with all his heart. He made me a better person by knowing and loving him.
I think when you love someone, you have to overlook some of the qualities about that person that just plain tick you off. If you let those things consume your thoughts, you will surely fall out of love with that person. I am in no danger of that. I love that man with every atom in my body. I am surely twitterpated!
I have been twitterpated for 12 plus years. I look at my husband with such adoration. He is (next to our children) the best thing that has happened to me. Having said this, he can push my buttons.
We have known each other since the first grade. We lived 2 miles from each other. My older brother hung out with his older brother. My younger brother and his younger sister are good friends. Our parents are good friends. We went to the movies as friends during high school. He even took me fishing. I never saw him for who he was until he was no longer "my" go to guy. He started dating a girl two grades below us and I was sick. I mean literally. I could not figure out why I was feeling so bad. Then a mutual friend of ours gently mentioned that he thought that I really wished that the girl he was dating was me. That was it...I was totally and irrevocably twitterpated.
I saw him in a way that only a girl in love could. He was perfect. And when the honeymoon was over I realized that he was only almost perfect. He never picks up his clothes, he leaves empty bottles in the fridge, he expects me to run the house and organize the kids. He has a problem communicating with me and the rest of the general public, and he is not at all romantic. He keeps all of the things that are bothering him inside and when he just can't take it anymore, he blows like a volcano.
I am no peach. I complain about all of the things that I swear he never does. I nag him to talk to me. I point out that I try and he doesn't. I am a real winner...right. God only knows why he stays with me. I have decided to sincerely try to talk less about what he doesn't do and more about what he does do. So, here I go...
He is amazing. He is extremely attractive. He gives the best hugs and softest kisses. He worked hard so that I could stay at home with each of our children while they were babies. He saves and buys me all of the frivolous items that I mention that I might want. He takes me to chick flicks so that I will cozy up to him. He brings me my favorite take-out when I don't feel like cooking. He dotes on me when I am sick. He helps my parents and brothers with all of their DIY projects. He plays like a child with the kids. His laugh is infectious. He is a closet comedian. He is a fabulous cook. He can clean a house spotless if he has to. He can fix anything that is broken with the right tools. He loves his family with all his heart. He made me a better person by knowing and loving him.
I think when you love someone, you have to overlook some of the qualities about that person that just plain tick you off. If you let those things consume your thoughts, you will surely fall out of love with that person. I am in no danger of that. I love that man with every atom in my body. I am surely twitterpated!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
We never really grow up
Today I realized that we never really grow up. I will always be a child in some form or fashion. I still want all of the comforts of home. How silly is that? I am grown with children of my own, but still want to crawl onto my daddy's lap or be circled in a hug by my mom when I cry.
Life is full of challenge and change. We grow up because we are supposed to, not because we want to. Who really wants all of the responsibility of adulthood? I know there are perks to being older, but what would you do if you were given the opportunity to be a six year old kid for one more day?
I would take it. I would run through the field in the tall grass beside our house, I would eat PB&J and get it all over my face. I would drink from the water hose. I would ride bikes until the sun went down. I would chase after my older brother and hold my little brother's hand. I would visit my great-grandmother and great-grandfather and sing songs with them while we ate cookies and raisins. I would sing at the top of my lungs in the bathub, wear whatever clothes made since to me at the time, pick wild flowers for my mom, and play baseball with all of the kids in town unitl I couldn't anymore. I would leave all of the worring to someone else.
My mother never told me that one day I would look in my children's eyes and long to be as carefree as they are. She never said that I would lose some of the childlike qualities that bring goodness into the world.
Some of you may think that this post is selfish, but I know that what I need to do is to let the little girl in me shine. My children and the rest of the world will be a better place if I just eat PB&J and get it all over my face, run through the field holding my kids hands, ride bikes with my husband until the sun goes down, drink from the water hose, sing as loud as I can, wear whatever clothes make since to me, pick wildflowers with my daughter, and play baseball with my boys until I can't anymore. I will still worry, but I will worry about the things that really matter.
Life is full of challenge and change. We grow up because we are supposed to, not because we want to. Who really wants all of the responsibility of adulthood? I know there are perks to being older, but what would you do if you were given the opportunity to be a six year old kid for one more day?
I would take it. I would run through the field in the tall grass beside our house, I would eat PB&J and get it all over my face. I would drink from the water hose. I would ride bikes until the sun went down. I would chase after my older brother and hold my little brother's hand. I would visit my great-grandmother and great-grandfather and sing songs with them while we ate cookies and raisins. I would sing at the top of my lungs in the bathub, wear whatever clothes made since to me at the time, pick wild flowers for my mom, and play baseball with all of the kids in town unitl I couldn't anymore. I would leave all of the worring to someone else.
My mother never told me that one day I would look in my children's eyes and long to be as carefree as they are. She never said that I would lose some of the childlike qualities that bring goodness into the world.
Some of you may think that this post is selfish, but I know that what I need to do is to let the little girl in me shine. My children and the rest of the world will be a better place if I just eat PB&J and get it all over my face, run through the field holding my kids hands, ride bikes with my husband until the sun goes down, drink from the water hose, sing as loud as I can, wear whatever clothes make since to me, pick wildflowers with my daughter, and play baseball with my boys until I can't anymore. I will still worry, but I will worry about the things that really matter.
Monday, June 29, 2009
God's Grace
Forgive me...this post will be random.
Saturday I witnessed God's Grace.
My life-long friend has cancer and it is terminal. His mother and my mother were best friends. We ate rocks together when we were babies. His mom was my second mom. His mom died of cancer when we were 15 years old. We grew up, grew apart, and grew back together.
His employers put together a benefit to raise money for him. They asked our community to help volunteer as workers for the event.
Our whole community came to support him. God opened his arms and brought all of us together. We all laughed at the good times we had. There was so much friendship and love there that I was taken aback. I knew what a great little community I lived in; but when you see the goodness working before your eyes, you know God is present. My friend has a wonderful employer who gave him every dime that we raised that day. He is so blessed. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.
He taught me a few valuable lessons:
1. Life is too short to waste it fighting and holding on to the past.
2. I do take for granted the wonderful family that God has blessed me with.
3. It is never to late to make a wrong, right.
4. We should not be afraid to live because one day we won't.
5. You can never love too much.
Out of all of the people who have come in and out of my life, he was the last person I excepted to teach me these lessons. I look at him not with pity, but with respect. I don't know if I would be able to get out of bed if I were him. I know he has bad days and don't think that he is always an angel, but he has earned the right to be a little grouchy. I don't know if he has come to terms with what lies ahead for him, but he is beginning to try.
I do love him, he is like family. We fought like brother and sister. After college while I was busy creating a family, we lost touch. How do you lose touch with someone who lives 2 miles from you? But when we would run into each other, he was always ready for a hug. When he told me about his cancer, I cried like a baby right in front of him. He put his arm around me and told me it would be okay. I have spent more time with him since then. We talk on the phone more than I do with most of my girl friends. I would not trade him or any of my friends for the world.
I wish time would just stand still fora moment. I keep thinking that if I don't cry and don't think about the truth of this disease, that he will be here until we are old. That the 10 of us that hung out together for so many years will be in rockers talking about all of the great adventures we had together. I know that I am delusional. I will cry for him...more than once. How do you let your very first friend in the whole world go?
Saturday I witnessed God's Grace.
My life-long friend has cancer and it is terminal. His mother and my mother were best friends. We ate rocks together when we were babies. His mom was my second mom. His mom died of cancer when we were 15 years old. We grew up, grew apart, and grew back together.
His employers put together a benefit to raise money for him. They asked our community to help volunteer as workers for the event.
Our whole community came to support him. God opened his arms and brought all of us together. We all laughed at the good times we had. There was so much friendship and love there that I was taken aback. I knew what a great little community I lived in; but when you see the goodness working before your eyes, you know God is present. My friend has a wonderful employer who gave him every dime that we raised that day. He is so blessed. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.
He taught me a few valuable lessons:
1. Life is too short to waste it fighting and holding on to the past.
2. I do take for granted the wonderful family that God has blessed me with.
3. It is never to late to make a wrong, right.
4. We should not be afraid to live because one day we won't.
5. You can never love too much.
Out of all of the people who have come in and out of my life, he was the last person I excepted to teach me these lessons. I look at him not with pity, but with respect. I don't know if I would be able to get out of bed if I were him. I know he has bad days and don't think that he is always an angel, but he has earned the right to be a little grouchy. I don't know if he has come to terms with what lies ahead for him, but he is beginning to try.
I do love him, he is like family. We fought like brother and sister. After college while I was busy creating a family, we lost touch. How do you lose touch with someone who lives 2 miles from you? But when we would run into each other, he was always ready for a hug. When he told me about his cancer, I cried like a baby right in front of him. He put his arm around me and told me it would be okay. I have spent more time with him since then. We talk on the phone more than I do with most of my girl friends. I would not trade him or any of my friends for the world.
I wish time would just stand still fora moment. I keep thinking that if I don't cry and don't think about the truth of this disease, that he will be here until we are old. That the 10 of us that hung out together for so many years will be in rockers talking about all of the great adventures we had together. I know that I am delusional. I will cry for him...more than once. How do you let your very first friend in the whole world go?
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