Today I realized that we never really grow up. I will always be a child in some form or fashion. I still want all of the comforts of home. How silly is that? I am grown with children of my own, but still want to crawl onto my daddy's lap or be circled in a hug by my mom when I cry.
Life is full of challenge and change. We grow up because we are supposed to, not because we want to. Who really wants all of the responsibility of adulthood? I know there are perks to being older, but what would you do if you were given the opportunity to be a six year old kid for one more day?
I would take it. I would run through the field in the tall grass beside our house, I would eat PB&J and get it all over my face. I would drink from the water hose. I would ride bikes until the sun went down. I would chase after my older brother and hold my little brother's hand. I would visit my great-grandmother and great-grandfather and sing songs with them while we ate cookies and raisins. I would sing at the top of my lungs in the bathub, wear whatever clothes made since to me at the time, pick wild flowers for my mom, and play baseball with all of the kids in town unitl I couldn't anymore. I would leave all of the worring to someone else.
My mother never told me that one day I would look in my children's eyes and long to be as carefree as they are. She never said that I would lose some of the childlike qualities that bring goodness into the world.
Some of you may think that this post is selfish, but I know that what I need to do is to let the little girl in me shine. My children and the rest of the world will be a better place if I just eat PB&J and get it all over my face, run through the field holding my kids hands, ride bikes with my husband until the sun goes down, drink from the water hose, sing as loud as I can, wear whatever clothes make since to me, pick wildflowers with my daughter, and play baseball with my boys until I can't anymore. I will still worry, but I will worry about the things that really matter.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
God's Grace
Forgive me...this post will be random.
Saturday I witnessed God's Grace.
My life-long friend has cancer and it is terminal. His mother and my mother were best friends. We ate rocks together when we were babies. His mom was my second mom. His mom died of cancer when we were 15 years old. We grew up, grew apart, and grew back together.
His employers put together a benefit to raise money for him. They asked our community to help volunteer as workers for the event.
Our whole community came to support him. God opened his arms and brought all of us together. We all laughed at the good times we had. There was so much friendship and love there that I was taken aback. I knew what a great little community I lived in; but when you see the goodness working before your eyes, you know God is present. My friend has a wonderful employer who gave him every dime that we raised that day. He is so blessed. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.
He taught me a few valuable lessons:
1. Life is too short to waste it fighting and holding on to the past.
2. I do take for granted the wonderful family that God has blessed me with.
3. It is never to late to make a wrong, right.
4. We should not be afraid to live because one day we won't.
5. You can never love too much.
Out of all of the people who have come in and out of my life, he was the last person I excepted to teach me these lessons. I look at him not with pity, but with respect. I don't know if I would be able to get out of bed if I were him. I know he has bad days and don't think that he is always an angel, but he has earned the right to be a little grouchy. I don't know if he has come to terms with what lies ahead for him, but he is beginning to try.
I do love him, he is like family. We fought like brother and sister. After college while I was busy creating a family, we lost touch. How do you lose touch with someone who lives 2 miles from you? But when we would run into each other, he was always ready for a hug. When he told me about his cancer, I cried like a baby right in front of him. He put his arm around me and told me it would be okay. I have spent more time with him since then. We talk on the phone more than I do with most of my girl friends. I would not trade him or any of my friends for the world.
I wish time would just stand still fora moment. I keep thinking that if I don't cry and don't think about the truth of this disease, that he will be here until we are old. That the 10 of us that hung out together for so many years will be in rockers talking about all of the great adventures we had together. I know that I am delusional. I will cry for him...more than once. How do you let your very first friend in the whole world go?
Saturday I witnessed God's Grace.
My life-long friend has cancer and it is terminal. His mother and my mother were best friends. We ate rocks together when we were babies. His mom was my second mom. His mom died of cancer when we were 15 years old. We grew up, grew apart, and grew back together.
His employers put together a benefit to raise money for him. They asked our community to help volunteer as workers for the event.
Our whole community came to support him. God opened his arms and brought all of us together. We all laughed at the good times we had. There was so much friendship and love there that I was taken aback. I knew what a great little community I lived in; but when you see the goodness working before your eyes, you know God is present. My friend has a wonderful employer who gave him every dime that we raised that day. He is so blessed. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.
He taught me a few valuable lessons:
1. Life is too short to waste it fighting and holding on to the past.
2. I do take for granted the wonderful family that God has blessed me with.
3. It is never to late to make a wrong, right.
4. We should not be afraid to live because one day we won't.
5. You can never love too much.
Out of all of the people who have come in and out of my life, he was the last person I excepted to teach me these lessons. I look at him not with pity, but with respect. I don't know if I would be able to get out of bed if I were him. I know he has bad days and don't think that he is always an angel, but he has earned the right to be a little grouchy. I don't know if he has come to terms with what lies ahead for him, but he is beginning to try.
I do love him, he is like family. We fought like brother and sister. After college while I was busy creating a family, we lost touch. How do you lose touch with someone who lives 2 miles from you? But when we would run into each other, he was always ready for a hug. When he told me about his cancer, I cried like a baby right in front of him. He put his arm around me and told me it would be okay. I have spent more time with him since then. We talk on the phone more than I do with most of my girl friends. I would not trade him or any of my friends for the world.
I wish time would just stand still fora moment. I keep thinking that if I don't cry and don't think about the truth of this disease, that he will be here until we are old. That the 10 of us that hung out together for so many years will be in rockers talking about all of the great adventures we had together. I know that I am delusional. I will cry for him...more than once. How do you let your very first friend in the whole world go?
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